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THE KUIPER BELT JOB comes out NEXT WEEK!

Hey folks! It’s November, which means that my new novel The Kuiper Belt Job comes out next week, on November 7!

The Kuiper Belt Job is a caper story in space, a mash-up of Ocean’s 11 and The Expanse with a dollop of Firefly and Leverage. It’s an ensemble piece with complex character relationships and a twisty, compelling plot, but beneath the entertaining surface it raises deep questions about identity and personhood. In a world where minds can be copied, what does it mean to be “me”?

I’m excited but also kind of nervous. It’s my first novel in five years and my first small-press novel, so I’m afraid it may be lost in the flood of wonderful new books that keeps coming out. If you would like to help, here are four ways:

1. Buy the book!

The number 1 way you can help is to buy the book! It is available in most places where you can buy paper books or ebooks, but here are three of the most popular:

I do encourage supporting your local independent brick-and-mortar book store, if you have one. If they don’t have it on the shelves, you can definitely ask them to order you a copy. The book is available to booksellers at the usual traditional-publishing terms and the ISBN is 9781647100902.

It’s also fabulous if you get the book from a library! Multnomah County Library has five copies on order, and if your local library doesn’t have it they might very well order it if you ask nicely.

2. Attend a reading!

If you are in one of the places I’m visiting on my book tour — which does includes two online venues, so that’s everywhere — I’d really appreciate it if you would show up! I can promise you an entertaining time, with music and giveaways as well as a reading and Q&A. Here’s my schedule:

3. Post a review!

After you have read the book, I would really appreciate it if you would post a review on Goodreads or Amazon, or on your own social media, or, heck, on any handy telephone pole near you. It’s okay if you don’t love it! Sharing your honest opinion will help other people decide whether or not they might like the book.

4. Tell your friends!

Even if you are not the type of person who posts reviews, please be aware that word of mouth is the most important way that people find out about books. If you read the book and love it, tell your friends! Or, even if you don’t read it or don’t like science fiction, you might know someone who would… please tell them!

Thank you all for any help you can provide. Keep ’em flying!

LARP Report: A Meeting of Monarchs

As I write this I’m on my way back to the 21st Century USA from the LARP A Meeting of Monarchs. I had a blast.

In this Live Action Role Play event, inspired by the historical “Field of the Cloth of Gold” (1520) at which King Henry VIII of England and King François I of France met to sign the Treaty of London, about 50 players from all over Europe and the USA were assigned roles as specific historical personages. Each of us was given detailed background information on our characters and their goals, and some key events that occurred during play were preordained, but the player interactions and dialogue were entirely improvised in real time.

There were a lot of different plots in motion, some of them related to the treaty and others not, some historically accurate and others modified from our timeline. For example, the excommunication of Martin Luther and the death of Pope Leo X both occurred during the game, though in real life they didn’t happen until later. There was international and national politics; marriages, divorces, and affairs; personal alliances and vendettas; and maneuvers for power within the two courts and the Church hierarchy.

This was what is called a “Nordic” LARP, unlike the boffer-combat style of LARP most freqently encountered in the USA. The game didn’t have a combat system per se, though there were a few duels and fist fights (and, notably, a climactic wrestling match between the two kings). Instead, the major game mechanic was the exchange of status tokens. Each player started each day with a number of tokens (more for higher-status players) and during the game players and NPCs could hand over tokens to other players in acknowledgement of a notable accomplishment or as a bribe to take an action. Tokens could not be lost or stolen, only given away, and receiving a token from a member of the other court counted double. At the end of each day the tokens were counted up and either the French or English court would be announced as the winner. We were strongly encouraged to keep the tokens circulating and not hoard them to ourselves. The two kings each also had gold tokens, representing royal favor, and black tokens, representing shame, to hand out.

The game was held at Château du Boisrenault, an 18th-century castle in the French countryside, and run by French LARP organizer Charmed Plume Productions, but was conducted almost entirely in English. The variety of player accents added to the verisimilitude of the setting, as did the superb costumes worn (and in many cases made) by the players and the presence of several players’ dogs. The organizers also provided props, decor, live music, outdoor pavilions, and delicious meals to add to the immersive experience. Truly it did feel as though we spent a weekend in the Renaissance. (Sadly, as we were all very busy and phones were to be kept out of sight, I took very few photos. There was a professional photographer, though, and his photos will be made available in a few months. Until then, you can see some photos from previous runs of the game.)

I played the poet Thomas Wyatt, and my partner Alisa played the scheming Cardinal Thomas Wolsey. (Everyone was a Thomas in those days, it seems, unless they were a Mary.) Wyatt was only 17 at the time, and in real life didn’t even come to court until later. He was a young man with great ambition and few resources, and I determined to play him as brash and daring, unafraid to take risks. It didn’t turn out quite as I expected.

One of the key things about Wyatt, in history as well as in the game, is that he grew up with Anne Boleyn. They were practically siblings together in the Boleyn household, and by all accounts were extremely close. Was Wyatt in love with Anne? Well, historians disagree, but he did write a poem called “Whoso List to Hunt,” including the famous lines

And graven with diamonds in letters plain
There is written, her fair neck round about:
Noli me tangere, for Caesar’s I am,
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame.

(In other words: back off, man, she belongs to the king.) In any case, in the game materials it was made quite clear that Wyatt was utterly smitten with Anne. So I determined before the game that I was going to propose to her, despite the difference in our stations and her father’s ambitions for her. I brought a ring and everything. I didn’t know what her answer would be — that would depend both on how the character was written and what the player wanted to do with her — but I thought it would make for a dramatic scene either way.

On the first day of play I approached Anne player-to-player, saying “hey, I want to set up a big public proposal scene.” (There was a lot of pre-game material about consent and safety, complete with a set of safewords, to reduce the chance of physical or emotional harm to anyone. So I wanted to get the player’s buy-in beforehand, even if the proposal would be a surprise to the character.) She was perfectly kind to me and made it clear that her answer was going to be no, but if I wanted a big humiliation scene she would be willing to help make it happen? Well no, actually, I didn’t, but we did decide on a small personal proposal scene at lunch that day.

By lunchtime it was abundantly clear that Anne and Henry were already very much A Couple, much to the dismay of Queen Catherine and many other members of the court. (In actual history this didn’t happen until some years later.) And so, when lunch time came and Anne walked past the open seat next to me to take her place next to the King, the ring stayed in my pocket. (Later she approached me player-to-player to make sure I was okay. I told her that I was, though the character was devastated.) So my character’s main goal for the game foundered on the rocks before even leaving the harbor. But I had plenty of secondary goals to pursue.

One of these was to engage in a debate. During the historical Meeting of Monarchs the two courts held a series of debates on the issues of the day, and before the game I did a bunch of research on Wyatt and Humanism and proposed several Humanistic propositions as topics for debate. I wound up paired with Charles III, Duke de Bourbon, a very heavy hitter in the French court and a strong traditionalist. He would be arguing the proposition that “Only Law Brings Peace,” and I had to argue the contrary.

I prepared a five-minute speech, based on Wyatt’s actual writings, in which I quoted Erasmus, Petrarch, and Plutarch to support my position that the law, by itself, is insufficient. “The law may influence good men,” I wrote (or perhaps copied and pasted from Wikipedia), “but is without effect upon the bad. But a society of learned men, imbued with the virtues of the ancients and the ability to argue persuasively in favor of these virtues, will inevitably produce peace, tranquility, and harmony.” I thought it was a very pretty speech, but given the pre-game discussion about the debate topics — some of the more conservative characters were throwing around words like “heresy” and “felony” and “Inquisition” — I figured I had no chance to sway the crowd.

But they loved it. After our prepared speeches, our improvised rebuttals, and a spirited ad-hoc discussion with the audience, I was absolutely showered with status tokens. The Duke de Bourbon offered his respects. Thomas More took me under his wing. And the King of France came up to me to offer me an invitation to his court! I wound up with the second-highest individual token count of the day.

After that I was much in demand as a wordsmith and wit. Many people requested my assistance in crafting love poems, or romantic advice, and I did my best to help. I composed a poem about the Pleiades for a Duke, who gifted me with a cottage and an orchard. And I was often the center of attention during mealtime conversations. I truly enjoyed the several philosophical conversations I had with Thomas More and Leonardo da Vinci (who, sadly, in actual history had died the year before).

In a lot of ways Wyatt was the perfect character for me. All I had to do was give free rein to my wit and ego and use my real-world writing skills. It’s kind of astonishing how good a fit he was, actually, because I was offered the part pretty much at random. My partner Alisa and I had learned of the event after the registration deadline, but we had joined the waiting list, and when two players dropped out just a few weeks before the event we were offered their parts. “Here’s Thomas Wyatt and Thomas Wolsey, which of you wants to be which?” I wound up with Wyatt mostly because we both felt that Wolsey would be a better physical fit for Alisa.

In the morning of the last full day of the game all the plots shifted into high gear, as Henry announced that he wanted a divorce and furthermore that he wanted to split off England from the Catholic Church. (Again, this didn’t happen in the real world until some years later.) I felt that Wyatt, especially given the close relationship he’d developed with Thomas More, would choose his Catholic faith over fealty to his king, and so I wrote and performed a passionate poem in praise of unity and peace, using as allegory the Bible story of Solomon and the baby. (Seriously. I wrote a poem. Seven stanzas, with an a-b-b-a rhyme scheme.) Again the tokens showered down, and furthermore some people told me their characters’ minds were changed by it — including Charles III de Bourbon! I was truly humbled by their reaction.

Lots of other things were happening in my world at the same time. I was a member of a literary salon, and I wrote a satirical limerick to help expose the identity of an anonymous critic who’d been sending people nasty notes. (He got a black token from King François for that.) I was also a member of a secret occult/alchemical group who were investigating a mysterious death. The scene in which we took the culprit off into the bushes at night and exacted appropriate retribution was an emotional highlight of the event for me, and for others as well.

The situation may have been made up and the points didn’t really matter, but the emotions were real. I am not a person who cries a lot, usually, but I cried real tears at least five or six times during the game. And the fear I felt whenever I found myself in Henry’s presence was just as real as the similar emotions I experienced when dealing with C-Suite officers in my years in high tech.

So even though I didn’t get the girl and I wasn’t really a player in any of the big important plots (princes and princesses were betrothed, nobles gained and lost titles, territories were traded, and treaties were signed, but I wasn’t involved in any of those except peripherally) I still had a whale of a time. I felt that I participated fully and made a difference to other players and other characters.

At the end we all said our goodbyes and returned to our original century and countries, but there was a lot of “oh, will I see you at Fairwood Manor?” and other indications that the European LARP community is a lot like science fiction fandom. I’ll be returning to Europe for more LARPs in 2024.

Kuiper Belt Job book trailer!

I now have a promotional video for my forthcoming novel The Kuiper Belt Job!

It’s available on all the platforms! Please share it with your friends!

The video was made for me by the very talented Edward Martin III of Hellbender Media.

Arabella of Mars trilogy acquired by Open Road Integrated Media

I am extremely happy to announce that my Nebula-winning Arabella of Mars trilogy has been acquired by Open Road Integrated Media. New ebook and paper editions of all three books should be available around the world in early 2024.

So what does this mean, exactly? Weren’t the Arabella books already published by Tor?

Well, yes, and the answer is a bit complicated. If you don’t care about the nuts and bolts of publshing, you can stop reading right now. Otherwise, strap in for some inside baseball.

First, you need to understand what it means for a book to “go out of stock.” Once upon a time that term meant that the publisher had sold all the copies in the warehouse and didn’t intend to print any more, so that the book was no longer available for purchase anywhere except as a used or “remaindered” copy. (“Remaindered” means that the publisher sold all the copies remaining in the warehouse at a discount to someone like Half-Price Books, who then turned around and sold them cheap. Remainders are often identified by a hole punched in the cover, or a line drawn across the page edge, indicating that they were not purchased for full wholesale price and are not eligible to be returned to the publisher by the bookseller for credit.)

With a typical book contract, when a book goes out of stock, the publisher has completely discharged their responsibilities regarding the book and the right to publish the book “reverts” to the author. The author is now free to publish the book themselves, or sell publication rights to someone else. But what does “out of stock” mean in the era of ebooks and print-on-demand? Can the publisher just squat on those publication rights forever, making little or no money for the author, as long as they can still produce a single ebook or POD copy? That’s not good for the author.

To get around that, most publishing contracts include a “reversion clause” which defines under exactly what circumstances the book is considered out of stock and the right to publish the book reverts to the author. My contract, which was negotiated by the excellent legal team at my agency Janklow & Nesbit, defines “out of stock” as earning less than a certain amount per semiannual pay period for two periods in a row, at which point the author may request reversion with a letter. (That amount is in the low three figures, for me.)

Now, a friend of mine mentioned back in February that she’d gotten a rights reversion on an old book of hers, and that prompted me to look at my contract and determine what might allow me to do that, since sales of the books from Tor had fallen to a trickle. Well, as it happens, I had just received a semiannual royalty statement, and the earnings on that were under the specified amount… and so were the earnings on the previous one. So I was eligible to request a rights reversion right away. I asked my agent, Paul Lucas, to send the letter, he did so, and Tor complied quite quickly.

Once those rights reverted, Tor stopped publishing the books immediately. This means that the only copies you’ll see on Amazon are used paper copies; new books, ebooks, and audiobooks are not available at all. Sadness! But rights reversion is actually a good thing for the writer, because it means that the writer can now re-license those rights to someone else, and hopefully begin making more money. Most writers these days who get their rights back use them to self-publish the book, doing all the work and keeping most of the money. But my agent suggested that, because the Arabella books were award-winners and had done pretty well in the market (the first book earned out and then some — meaning that it earned more in royalties than the advance I’d initially been paid — but the three books considered as a package did not) I might have another option. So he offered the books to Betsy Mitchell at Open Road Integrated Media. And she took them! I signed the contract last week.

According to their website, “Open Road Media is a global ebook publisher whose catalog includes legendary authors such as Joan Didion, William Styron, Alice Walker, Dee Brown, Pat Conroy, Gloria Steinem, Octavia Butler, John Jakes, Pearl S. Buck, Walker Percy, and Sherman Alexie. Driven by the mission of bringing great literary works back to life, Open Road Media partners with premier authors of classic and contemporary works, making their content available to readers around the world.” They specialize in taking books which have fallen out of print, or did not perform as well as desired, and marketing them anew. “We research what audiences are looking for, develop quality content, and then launch that content powerfully via our content sites, email and social. It’s a coordinated, data- and search-driven approach that’s worked beautifully for our own products, and we’re delighted to apply it to yours.”

Betsy tells me that she’s planning to market the Arabella books as Young Adult. I originally wrote them as YA books, actually, and indeed the first book won the Andre Norton Nebula Award for Middle Grade and Young Adult Fiction, but they also had “crossover” appeal for adults, and Tor chose to publish them under the Tor rather than Tor Teen imprint. Also the covers by Stefan Martiniere, which I dearly love, were aimed at an adult reader. Betsy is planning an entirely new cover concept and marketing campaign, about which I am very excited.

Another very exciting aspect of the Open Road acquisition is that the books will be available outside of North America for the first time! When I sold the books to Tor we included only North American English rights in the contract, expecting that we could get more money for World English rights (the right to publish the book in English outside of North America) from someone else. But, as it happened, though we offered those rights to several publishers, no one bought them. So the Arabella books were available in the UK and Australia only as imported paper books, never as ebooks. Open Road will be marketing their editions around the world.

My contract with Open Road does not include audiobook rights, so unfortunately there are no Arabella audiobooks available now or for the forseeable future. My agent and I are working on that now.

So! Big news! I’ll share the new covers and other information with you as soon as I can. If you want to be sure to get the news right away, please subscribe to my newsletter. There will be ARC giveaways and other cool stuff, and I promise I won’t send more than a few newsletters per year.

Post op

Dental procedure is done and went well. No pain, only pressure and numbness. No driving for the rest of the day, no strenuous activity for 3 days. I’m bleary but okay.

My upcoming appearances!

I have a novel coming out in November! The Kuiper Belt Job is a caper story in space, a mash-up of Firefly, Leverage, and The Expanse. It’s an ensemble piece with complex character relationships and a twisty, compelling plot, but beneath the entertaining surface it raises deep questions about identity and personhood. In a world where minds can be copied, what does it mean to be “me”?

I’ve already set up a bunch of personal appearances to support the novel, with more to come. Here’s what I have so far!

Keep an eye on https://daviddlevine.com/about/upcoming-appearances/ for updates!

Pope LARP report

For three days before the Worldcon, I participated in a Papal Election Simulation, held in the beautiful Rockefeller Chapel at the University of Chicago.

View from the Pope's throne

This was a live-action role playing game (LARP) recreating the papal election of 1492. There were about 50 players and several dozen orchestrators and non-player characters. SF writer Ada Palmer, who is also a professor of history at the University of Chicago, has been running this simulation with her students for some years now, and as the Worldcon was in Chicago this year she offered a compressed version of it (it usually runs two weeks) for people coming to the con and other interested parties.

Each of us players filled out a questionnaire beforehand indicating what sort of character we’d like to play and how much time we were prepared to devote to the experience (major characters didn’t get a lot of sleep). We were sent over a hundred pages of background material and rules, including a detailed character sheet (mine was 14 pages) describing our character’s personality, alliances and enmities, special abilities and posessions, and personal goals. We were instructed that to completely embody our character was the object of the game, even if we didn’t achieve our character’s goals.

My character was Cardinal Ippolito d’Este, a noble from the duchy of Ferrara. Ferrara was small but strategic, being located between Venice and Rome, and critical to maintaining the peace between those two powers as well as helping to defend Italy from invaders from the east. Because of this strategic importance, Ferrara was everyone’s friend, well supplied with resources from both Rome and Venice, and generally peaceful and prosperous. My goals in the simulation were largely to maintain the status quo: 1) work to elect a pope who would support Ferrara, 2) support my aunt, Queen Beatrice of Hungary, who desperately needed money to defend Hungary from the Turks, 3) find a good wife for my widowed brother Alfonso, the duke of Ferrara and one of the most eligible bachelors in Europe, 4) protect my sister Beatrice, duchess of Milan, and 5) advance my own prospects. (Yes, there are two Beatrices in there. There were not nearly enough unique names in the Renaissance.) Personally, I was to carry myself as a high noble should, ambitious but polite, and ruthless only out of public view.

We arrived and were provided with lovely costumes (but beastly hot, with temperatures in the 80s and 90s and the chapel not being air-conditioned) and a fat envelope of cards representing money, possessions (everything from a castle to a piece of cake), special abilities, courtiers and servants, and any relatives to be married off.

David as Ippolito d'Este

The first half-day of the simulation I spent feeling utterly lost, overwhelmed by the vast number of details and options, and trying desperately to figure out which of these people in cardinals’ robes and COVID masks was my best friend and which my worst enemy. (We did have name tags, and there were significant differences in costume that helped.) But by the end of the day I had found my feet and made good progress, and in particular I had set up a marriage between Alfonso and Joanna the Infanta of Castile, an excellent match which would create a strategic alliance between Ferrara and Spain. All that remained was to work out a few details about the dowry; the union would be finalized (meaning that Jo Walton would affix the cards representing the bride, groom, and dowry to the marriage contract with the Holy Stapler) first thing in the morning. I spent the night strategizing about how to exploit the relationship.

The next morning: disaster! I had a huge pile of mail, including a bloodstained letter from my brother the Duke which said, in effect, “It was, it was, it was… aaaaaaargh.” My brother had been assassinated by his younger brother Fernand (who had always hated Alfonso and me), who now squatted on the throne. So much for the alliance with Spain!

I spent the morning in an absolute tizzy, all my plans dashed and not even certain of my personal safety. Fortunately my many allies, especially Venice, provided me with weapons, guards, and even an antidote-to-poison card. Once I got my feet under me again, I sent every assassin I could scrounge up against Ferrand — hoping to reclaim Ferrara via a near-bloodless coup d’etat rather than a bloody counterrevolution (which was definitely an option on the table). While awaiting the results of that project, I was successful in making a new marriage contract between my sweet but simple younger brother Sigismundo and the young Catherine of Aragon, thus restoring the planned alliance with Spain. If I could eliminate Ferrand, that would make Sigismundo the duke, with Catherine as the real power behind the throne.

During all this, of course, negotiations and horse trading were going on about who would get to be pope. I started off fairly neutral, casting my first few votes for Sforza of Milan in hopes of protecting my sister there, but as time went on I wound up forming closer and closer ties with Rodrigo Borgia. Being a Spaniard, he was my go-between with Spain and was essential to both marriage contracts. I got him to sign a nonaggression pact with Ferrara. Time was pressing — if we went on too long without electing a pope, the always-fractious Roman Mob would rise and the Ottomans would be tempted to invade — and it seemed that Borgia was coalescing as a likely candidate, meaning that supporting him would increase the chances of a rapid conclusion to our unstable popeless state. And the cherry on the top was that he presented me, as a goodwill gift, with evidence of a crime on my part (I had had my bastard half-brother’s eyes gouged out after an argument over a woman) stolen from the files of the Inquisition. I supported him loudly and he won the election with the slimmest possible majority (16 votes out of 31).

Once the pope was elected (“Saw your smoke, now you’re pope, congrats!”) we had the gala Papal Coronation, with the monarchs of Europe in attendance in all their finery. (Up until this point in the simulation they had been in a room in the basement, communicating with the cardinals locked in the Sistine Chapel via Discord secret messages passed in and out via the kitchens and toilets.) Once the pope was crowned he held his first audience, in which his new cabinet was announced, saints were canonized, and petitions were granted. I was rewarded for my support with a seat in the pope’s inner circle and the bishopric of Ferrara (which should have been mine all along, but had been given to an enemy of mine by the previous pope). And I obtained the assistance of the new pope’s Captain of the Papal Guard — also a skilled assassin — in the permanent retirement of the hated Fernand, putting little Sigismundo on the ducal throne of Ferrara. All was right with the world.

Royal procession

Immediately after the Papal Audience, all Europe was plunged into war. We had a very brief time to organize ourselves, swapping cards representing armies and artifacts and deciding where we, personally, were going to spend the war, before breaking for a long lunch. During lunch the orchestrators worked out the results of the war based on the various powers’ numbers of armies, instructions to armies, and status (a high status, conferred by such things as significant courtiers, magnificent architecture, holy relics, and being the home of a saint, would greatly increase a power’s chances of success in war).

As I was not a military commander myself, and with the hated Ferrand out of the picture, I could sit out the war in Ferrara which was likely safe from attack. So I spent the lunch break visiting the nearby site of the world’s first nuclear fission reaction with my old pal Bill Higgins (Cardinal Da Costa of Portugal) and Cardinal Carafa of Naples.

Sculpture commemorating the first nuclear reactor

After lunch the results of the war were announced: France, and the hated Cardinal Della Rovere (who had been the instigator of the plot to kill my brother), had been victorious in nearly every battle, capturing huge swaths of territory and many important personages including the Holy Roman Emperor and, alas, the duke of Milan and his wife my sister. However, Rome, Venice, and Ferrara had not been attacked, so I and my main allies were fat and happy.

We spent the last afternoon sorting out the results of the war, trading favors and territory in order to recover hostages and restore some kind of stable order. My aunt the Queen of Hungary managed to ransom the Emperor Maximilian — who handed over Burgundy, Milan, and Naples to the French to obtain his freedom — and then married him, unifying the Holy Roman Empire with Hungary and in effect creating the Austro-Hungarian Empire 400 years early.

Thus the simulation ended. Ada gave a brief overview of how history would likely run after the changes we’d wrought in the timeline — the Reformation, for example, would probably happen at about the same time but Galileo would likely be executed as a young man, or at least not get tenure — and then we broke for dinner, during which all secrets would be open for discussion.

That’s when I found out that I, with all my tragedies and victories, had been not much more than a pawn in the greater game. There were enormous strategic struggles going on around the Borgias, who had actually stolen the election with a forged ballot. The narrowness of the pope’s victory had lowered the status of Rome, which had been the decisive factor in several of France’s military victories. Cesare Borgia had been the literal Angel of Death, which was understandably very significant to his many political victories. (He wound up as king of the new kingdom of Romagna, forcibly created from several of the Papal States — which he invited Ferrara to join, but I politely declined, and he respected that. He could have used his power on me, but didn’t, probably because I’d been supportive of the Borgias, and so Ferrara remained independent.) There had been many, many hidden identities, strategic betrayals, and subtle machinations going on of which I had been completely unaware. There had even been a whole separate game going on amongst the angels, invisible to us players.

So my character wound up rich, powerful, and content, having achieved virtually all of his personal goals, but I felt a little sad at not having been more significant. Mind you, I respect the orchestrators’ decision to place me in a comparatively minor role, given that I was not as familiar with the real history as the students for whom the simulation was designed and that I had indicated I was not willing to devote myself to the game 24/7. And I had a ton of fun, with several literally heart-pounding moments as I attempted to negotiate a marriage contract or assassinate my evil fratricidal brother. (Aside: at one point during a lunch break someone was passing around a tray of Turkish Delight. I grabbed a piece, saying “I’d do anything for Turkish Delight!” which got a good laugh, and someone asked “but would you betray your siblings?” This was particularly amusing given that I had just put out a contract on my brother.)

I think I may have caught the LARP bug.